Maths: Hard

Sauce is BBC News Frontpage, which will undoubtedly be fixed soon since the sauce article uses the correct numbers.

Thereby Spreading Terror...

...and in turn becoming a terrorist.

You fucking retard.

Not that I believe your defence.

I doubt the judge does either.

Also, notice how his beard and face swell and shrink to fit the image.

Shaky ground, Pope, shaky ground.

Sauce: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/poll/2012/nov/21/donkeys-nativity-plays-pope

"Ride Like You're Invisible"

http://jacksonville.com/news/crime/2011-08-21/story/mototcyclist-escapes-serious-injury-collision-jacksonville-police

Moths 2

Dead Horse: Flogged

Moths

Plan "F"

In the wake of The Bank of England cutting its growth forecast to ZERO for 2012, David Cameron announces a ground-breaking strategy to get Britain back on track.

Curiosity

(A) MONSTER TRUCK WHEELS for stomping Martians
(B) MOTHERFUCKING LASERS for lasering Martians
(C) PINCERS OF POWER for torturing Martians
(D) MISSILES
(E) SATELLITE TV so we can watch in on PAYPERVIEW

Apologies to the awesome NASA, and to the BBC for nicking their picture.

PTWD: Carving our Own Niche

Feedjit appear to have us dialled-in.

Define: Irony

Seen above a colour printer in the office...

Bonacure

I have been sharing my shower with this for a few months now and have only just noticed.  It's "curative" effects haven't worked on me so far.

The SAP Double Entendre

Every time I see the meme, I immediately think of an Enterprise Centralised SOR Solution.  This speaks volumes about me I fear.

 

PTWD is in no way affiliated with SAP AG.

Breaking News: Lovers of Child Porn May Just Be Paedophiles

Thanks, Captain Obvious!

Polically Correct Ryanair

Now flying non-stop to Vietnam!

Scumbag 60 Minute Sale

SIXTY MINUTE SALE!*

*ends in eight minutes.

PS. Bonus inner-workings of PTWD shown in taskbar!

Thug Life Meets White Suburbia

Also, PTWD is now doing puns, apparently.

How can you live like this?

Introspective Google Ads

 

Stay Classy, Ryanir.

Sauce:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkL8Eu_9zdw (via. a spam email)

Why Do MPs Not Know When To STFU?

"I personally believe it's quite likely to happen"

Who invited the personal beliefs of MPs into this debate?  I personally believe it's unlikely to happen - does that matter?  What does BoatmanJoe of Margate think?  What does anyone's personal belief matter one jot?

"It's a comparatively easy way of..."

And there's the weasel word that saves this from being out and out bullshit.  "Comparatively" easy to LAUNCH INTO SPACE a NUCLEAR WEAPON and DETONATE IT.  Compared to what?  Detonating a nuclear weapon through a known, functional launching mechanism?  You know, like the ones that are routinely tested all the time? Comparatively easier than launching a manned vessel into space?

Seriously, why do we allow these arseholes to speak on our behalf?

Sauce

Happy Valentine's Day

This is what happens when you share Valentine's Day with someone like-minded.

You can be certain we had reservations at a very exclusive and expensive new restaurant afterward.  I had to cut our evening short however as I... ...had some videotapes to return.

Stats

Passing The Working Day: Amusing and/or pissing off over 1300 unique visitors per year since 2007!

Woop Woop!

That's more than three and a half unique people per day!  HAHAHAHA!

Sure, we could piss off more people in one go by farting on the train, but this is like some kind of sustained onslaught that no one even knows is happening.

We are the Comedy Insurgency.

Dogging Advice From the Beeb

Or: Winter survival, dogging and other useful advice.

Sauce: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-16946762

ALL ROOK SAME

Sauce: BBC frontpage.  Actual story here if you're sad enough to care.  Loser.

Why Words With Friends Sucks II

Q.E.D.

"When the Daily Mail calls rightwingers stupid, the result is dumbogeddon"

Oh Charlie Brooker! You continue to effortlessly do what I strive to.

Why Words With Friends Sucks

at least when playing with a stranger.

...looking at you, "Gazeroni", you semi-literate cheating piece of shit.

Captain "Coalition" Obvious

Hot off the back of the government's last health warning: My MP, My Doctor, comes their latest ill-advised, [each letter was meant to link to it's own retarded reader-comment, but I got very bored so there are only five links in the previous word (check each letter)] condescending blurb: Drinking 'little too much' alcohol.

As always, some commenters on the BBC are more backward than the article itself: "We have recognised the dangers that motorcycling represents through enhanced testing and increasing the minimum age for their use. Perhaps, as young peope seem unable to drink sensibly, we should increase the drinking age to 21. [sic]"  But you can still fuck at 16?  Good job.

Edit: (it's not even a true edit)  While writing this, the editor at the beeb chose the comment I linked to via the first "i" as an "editor's pick."

nPower's Understanding of "Going Paperless"

You're doing it wrong.  Three letters in three separate envelopes, two of which including the same leaflet showing the same young couple just absolutely vibing off being able to submit meter readings via their smartphones.  /civilisation.

...and I even signed up online.

Related: nPower's Generous Goodwill Gesture, Online Banking, the Niche Realm of Graph Pr0n and Paperless Billing: A Tenuous Link

...and only by posting this have I realised that I was a customer of theirs previously not that long ago.

Honour: Forfeited

Hipster ptwd: Hating on Fred Goodwin before it was cool.

Sauce. 

Imminent Ned On Linked In

I Feel Sorry For the Guy...

...I forgot about my bank account in Monaco for years too.

 

Burned-Out Britain

OK, BBC, I accept things aren't exactly sweetness and light here in the UK, but really?  Is a picture of a burned-out car an appropriate analogy for the state of our nation?

Shake it Baby!

 

This morning I noticed my deodorant carries the same instructions as British Nannies.

Fun fact: Louise Woodward is now a dance instructor.  The more you know...

Computer Science 101

I Have Made it With a Woman! Inform The Men.

Vada a bordo, cazzo!

A Rapper With Problems Considerably Greater Than Those of Jay-Z

Not a LOL, but Russell Jones' aka Ol' Dirty Bastard's FBI File has been released.  *pours 40 on sidewalk*

My MP, the doctor.

(sauce: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16443240)

Not content with ruining the country, MPs are now embarking on an exciting new game wherein they will attempt to ruin everyone's lives.

In other news, my GP is of the opinion that the ongoing military spending on deployments in...lol

You see?

Worms!

I bet it was this little fucker.

Never trusted him since he stitched Sara right up.